“You seem to be worried about something. Is there a problem?”

“I don’t have a problem. But Ravi does! Saw him this morning, and the poor chap really needs our help. Why don’t you get him a job in your company?”

“Please don’t talk to me about him. I’ve helped him several times in the past. Right now, I don’t have the bandwidth to deal with Ravi and his problems.”

“Bandwidth? What are you talking about?”

“The word ‘bandwidth’ is used in everyday contexts to mean different things. When I say that I don’t have the bandwidth to deal with Ravi’s problems, it means that I don’t have the time or the energy to deal with Ravi and his innumerable problems. Here’s an example. After a five-kilometre walk, I didn’t have the bandwidth to play tennis with my friends.”

“Meaning, you didn’t have the energy to play tennis. How about this example? If you want us to help you with the campaign, please get back to us after two months. Right now, we don’t have the bandwidth to take on any new project.”

“Meaning that you don’t have the time. That’s a good example. The word can also be used to refer to someone’s mental capacity.”

“In other words, his ability to do something. His intelligence.”

“Very good! I don’t think Ravi has the bandwidth to deal with complicated tasks. He’ll need help.”

“It’s true that he may not have the bandwidth to do it all by himself, but with some help from you and your friends, I’m sure…”

“You want me to help Ravi again? Fat chance of that happening!”

“Fat chance? Does it mean there’s no chance of it happening?”

“That’s right! The expression ‘fat chance’ is mostly used in informal contexts to mean ‘little or no chance’.”

“In other words, you’ll not be helping Ravi.”

“Right! Here’s an example. There’s fat chance of my company hiring someone like Ravi.”

“My cousin Vinita wants to become a fast bowler. But she’s only five feet tall. Fat chance that she’ll ever become a fast bowler.”

“Good example. Now then, what do you think of…”

“I still think you should help Ravi get a job.”

“I’ve done that several times in the past, but the chap has never been able to keep his nose clean.”

“You mean to say that he lost his job because his nose was always dirty? That’s a silly reason….”

“When you tell someone to keep his nose clean, you’re asking him to stay out of trouble. To follow all rules, and not do anything wrong or illegal.”

“In other words, you want him to behave.”

“Exactly! Here’s an example. The principal has warned you twice already. I assure you, if you don’t keep your nose clean, you’ll be suspended.”

“I’ve kept my nose clean by not associating with the troublemakers in my class.”

“That’s a good example.

“Ravi has been keeping his nose clean. Anyway, a few of us are collecting money to help him. Would you be interested in contributing?”

“Fat chance of that happening.”

There are no bad pictures, that’s just how your face looks sometimes.

-Abraham Lincoln

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